Love breeds misery, but patience breeds love
by Ice-Ari
Summary: A slightly sad, but sweet ficlet about Trowa's and Quatre's thoughts on their relationship.
1. Trowa's POV

STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLIED: I don't own any of the Gundam Wing characters mentioned.

**Title: Love Breeds Misery, but Patience Breeds Love (part 1)**

Date written: 23092000 (Sat)

Warnings: yaoi, 4x3, angst plus Sap

Time zone of setting: AC 200 (November)

Part1: Love Breeds Misery

Trowa stared out of the window blindly, deep in thoughts...

Its coming to two years since we're married... but how often do we actually see each other, Quatre? In a total only around 6 months, am I right, Quatre? I know that you're very busy being heir to the large Winners' fortune and businesses, and I really wish to share your burden, but you never allow me to... Quatre, you've always been willingly to care and help me... but...but why don't you let me do the same? You claim that your only wish is for me to be free from any extra burden and be happy, but... can't you see? You're only making me feel so worthless, so useless... Quatre, I really want to help, to share your joys and depressions, to see you through your ups and down, but you never let me... always only sharing the happy side with me and leaving out all the unhappy moments. But, Quatre doesn't you realise that by doing this, you've in fact starved our relationship? Stopping it from coming a full circle? Our relationship is no longer whole, unlike in the past, during the wartime, when we join forces to survive the toughest challenge, you protecting me and I shielding you. But now... Quatre, our relationship is left only with a fake front of happiness... I'm scared, awfully scared that one day... one day every thing will just crumble...

"Dong! Dong!" The sound broke Trowa out from the haze of thoughts, he turned around and looked at the time.

Its already two O'clock, way past mid-night... and tomorrow is our second wedding-anniversary... will you be back in time? You've promise to find time and come back on this special day, our special day. But... Quatre, its alright, I understand that you are really busy... maybe...maybe I should just mail you your present, ne? I'm not complaining all what Quatre, I never does, not even when I was young in the hands of those mercenaries, and I never will, but... but I really wish for you to understand how I feel. I been through a lot since I was young. However, never something like this... I don't really know how to handles matters of the heart well, and you know this to, and you've said that you'll never blame me for it, and its not my fault, but scarring left behind from the past. Quatre... can you understand... do you understand how hard is it for me to accept my love for you and learn to accept your family as well... a large family, whom I know many form it doesn't really accept me or wishes for a poor nobody like me to be around... a poor nobody who worst of all happened to be a guy. Most of the times, I really feel like an intruder, and outsider trying to force his way in... Quatre, can you feel how uncomfortable I'm with this life? But, I choose to stay on, because of you, Quatre, for our love. Yet, we hardly ever meet, the last time I see you was around 4 months back in late-July... I really miss you Quatre, why don't you let me be by your side, be with you... that's all I want, that's all is needed to make me really happy. But... but I'll not allow you to see how I really feel, if... if you comes back... I'll put on a mask for you and pretend to be happy and satisfy... after all I've been wearing a mask for most of my life... Quatre, I wish for you to understand, but...but I'll never tell you, never reveal to you and just play my role, the role you assigned me, like an actor, following the director's instructions blindly...

------End of Part 1-----


	2. Quatre's POV

STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLIED.

**Title: Love Breeds Misery, but Patience Breeds Love**

Date written: 01072001 (Sun) (This 2nd part is finally out after more than 9 months of break.)

Part2: Patience Breeds Love

I love you so much Trowa. More than you can ever know, more than you can ever realise. My love for you is so deep that it's like a bottomless pit. No matte how I try to express my love, dear, it's never enough. It'll never be.

Quatre walked down the aisle of the space shuttle to his designated seat.

Trowa, do you know how scare I'm to loose you? Can you understand that? Do you know how much opposition I fought my way through to marry you two years ago? And even now... even now some of my family members still never forgive me for that. But I love you Trowa, so much so that I'm willing to go to endless pains just to have you as my wife; to keep you by my side officially and proclaim my heart-felt feelings for you to the world. I know all this has been a real stress on you too. I do understand that you feel like you're a stranger trampling his way through a family circle that should be close against you. Trowa dear, I do feel your sorrow and confusion every single time I express my love to you. I can sense you fear and subtle discomfort whenever I get too close to you physically. I know it's because of your past; your horrid past that has been grotesquely twisted in the hands of those wretched mercenaries. However, I too can feel the times when your pain-ripen soul can lit up and sing in joy to my love. You need me just as much as I need you. But Trowa, do tell me what can I do to make you really happy? How am I supposed to go about showing you the beauties of this world? How am I supposed to lighten your heart and bring your soul out from its shadowy hideout into brightness again? I'm so nervous that I'll choose a wrong path to tread on causing me to loose you forever. I'm so frighten... so very frighten that I'll increase your pains with all these burdens in my heart. Thus, all I can do is that of sharing my joy with you but never my pains.

Mindlessly, Quatre fingers the dozen rose on his lap that are meant for his love.

Regardless of your stoic expression that seems to radiate strength and confidence, I know how fragile and delicate you're inside. And because of this knowledge, I do not dare to weight you down with any extra burdens; I do not wish to stress you more with all the tremendous workload I'm forced to face as the heir to the Winner's vast fortunes. Trowa do you think that I've such a stony heart that I can't feel your disappointment whenever I reject your offer to help me with my work? Of course I do! And yes, I do trust you Trowa; I do trust your efficiency, after all you were a Gundam pilot not for nothing! Nevertheless, I can't bear to weight you down, not even a single bit.

Quatre looked out of the space shuttle's window in the direction of his home; in the direction of where the one that has kept his heart in lock is...

Be patient my love, all our troubles will soon come to an end, I've found a good heir in my cousin brother, Rarbu. He will soon be old enough to take over my job load from me, and we can then leave this life of the riches for one more seclude, just me and you; husband and wife. I hope this will be a good news for you dear, when I return home to your side tonight. I do wish to see your lovely smiles again, no matter how small they are.

------End of Part 2-----

Thanks for reading.

(C&C is always welcomed.)


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